Never Alone
by SoldiersofPurgatory
Summary: SPOLIERS. Takes place shortly after ep 23, Season 1. Allelujah is drinking to deal with his depression.


Allelujah sat alone in his room, gazing at the endless universe outside his window Fic: Never Alone

Title: Never Alone  
Author: Hmanfire  
Fandom: Gundam 00  
Characters: H/Allelujah, Sumeragi, mentions of Lockon, Tieria and Setsuna  
Genre: Angst, Gen  
Rating: ?  
Disclaimer: Gundam 00 (c) Sunrise and its affiliates.  
Warning: **Spoilers for ep 23! Do not read if you haven't seen the episode! **

Summary: Takes place shortly after ep 23. Allelujah is drinking to deal with his depression.

Author's Notes: My first fanfic, please comment!

Never Alone

Allelujah sat alone in his room, gazing at the endless universe outside his window. In his right hand he held an almost empty glass of brandy. He knew well enough that next morning his head would ache like never before but at the moment he couldn't care less.

He wasn't there.

Lockon wasn't there anymore.

As soon as they had come back Tieria had yelled at Setsuna in his tears, accusing the younger Meister for Lockon's death since he didn't make it in time. Sumeragi had broken up the fighting and at that very moment Allelujah had slipped away to his own room, locked himself up from everyone.

Well, that was only half-true. Hallelujah was still there, watching his other self but didn't say anything, at least not for the moment.

The silence almost calmed Allelujah who was afraid he would burst into tears if he spoke to anyone about it. Just feeling that Hallelujah was there was good enough right now.

Sumeragi had secretly supplied him with booze before, sort of against his will, in case something special should happen. Right now he was very grateful to her.

Allelujah kept his gaze at the dark space outside his window as he was slowly sipping the last of his drink. He wondered how the other Meisters took the loss, if they felt as heartbroken as he did. On the other hand they weren't the only ones, everyone at Ptolemois missed Lockon. His laughter, his smile, none of it would ever come back. Allelujah's heart ached at the thought and he could feel the tears stirring up inside, racing to his eyes. Quickly he drank the last brandy from the bottom of the glass, pushing the tears down.

Then he stretched out for the bottle and filled the glass again. He smirked at himself as he brought the glass to his lips.

"What would you say if you saw me now Lockon?" He said quietly before he drank the bitter liquid once more.

Even though he had drunk two glasses already he didn't feel any different, the sorrow was still there and he was determined to drink it away just as someone knocked at his door.

"Allelujah? You there?" Sumeragi called from the other side. He didn't answer, wanting her to go away, leaving him alone with his remorse.

Why hadn't he been able to do anything? Why did Lockon have to die? Would he be able to keep on fighting now that a dear friend was gone?

"I just wanted to see if you're alright." Sumeragi said without waiting for an answer and her voice sounded worried.

"No, I'm not." He answered, his voice sounding strange from the lack of use in a while.

"Setsuna and Tieria has already went to bed to recover their strength. You should too." She made a short pause and then said. "We can't stop now, no matter what."

Allelujah knew that if they stopped now the world would never change and Lockon's death would have been for nought. He had to fight, in order to make the world a place where people like him would never be manufactured again.

When he didn't answer Sumeragi said that she would leave him alone and he could hear how she walked away from the door. The room fell silent again as he kept sipping his drink. The bitter taste felt relieving in his throat. The tears that threatened to overwhelm him had lost their power a little but he was afraid that the suffocating feeling in his chest would return as soon as he put his glass away. His head felt a bit foggy now.

Then he felt a hand at his shoulder and looked up to find his alter ego standing beside him. He smiled weakly at his other self.

"Hello Hallelujah."

"Just how long do you plan on drinking?" His other self said, obviously annoyed at Allelujah's behaviour. His golden eye glimmered with a slight rage.

Allelujah responded quietly:

"Until the pain goes away."

Hallelujah didn't say anything at first, then he glared at the half-filled brandy bottle on the table beside his other self.

"I think you've had more than enough." He said, turning his glare to the almost crying Allelujah. "You're not the only one how will suffer from the hangover you know. Sure, it's your body but I feel the headache just as much as you do sometime. And I hate hangovers." He added sharply.

Allelujah looked into the bottom of his glass and smiled at his own reflection, a smile changed due to the alcohol that circulated in his blood. He thought for an instant that his reflection changed and instead of his own face looking back at him, Lockon smiled at him from the liquid surface.

That instant was enough for him to throw the glass away, along with its content, bringing his hands to his face and burst into the tears he had been suppressing since the mission.

The glass hit the wall with a crashing sound and shattered into small pieces of glass, raining over the floor. The brandy made an ugly stain at the wall.

Hallelujah just watched his other self as he almost cried his eyes out in pain.

Then he slowly sat down beside Allelujah, touching his shoulder gently, letting him know that he was there too.

"He's gone. That's the truth and you have to accept it." He said quietly, without the usual sharpness in his voice. The anger that had resided in his eye had faded.

His words caused tears to flow from Allelujah's eyes with more intensity.

"I'm not the type to comfort people, I rather make them scream in pain." Hallelujah smirked. "But know one thing: I will do anything to protect myself, no matter of what I have to do and if you decide to stop fighting, I will not forgive you. It's our destiny after all."

Allelujah was barely listening to the golden-eyed personality of his, though his tears were beginning to fade at last. He knew that Hallelujah was right, just giving up would not solve anything, it wouldn't erase the pain in his heart.

Hallelujah gazed at the black universe outside Ptolemois and then turned to his companion again.

"I'm sure _he _will be disappointed if you give up the fight. That Irishman shouldn't have died for nothing, right?"

Allelujah's tears finally dried out and his grey eye met his alter ego's golden eye.

"I'm not just fighting for Lockon's sake, I'm fighting for our sake too." He said confidently with a smile at his lips.

Hallelujah snorted:

"Then let me in on the action. I'll make them pay."

Allelujah only nodded, gazed at the mess at the floor but decided to wait until morning before he would clean it up. He got changed and went into bed, just before he turned off the light Hallelujah spoke to him.

"Hey Allelujah…"

"What is it?"

"Tomorrow morning, you'll regret this." The golden eye personality said sharply.

Allelujah answered by turning off the light and went to sleep.

Next morning, his head was as expected pounding like a drum and Hallelujah said angrily:

"If you ever touch a brandy bottle again, I'll kill you and take this body for myself."

Allelujah couldn't help but laugh, despite the pain in his head as he did so.

Even though Lockon was gone, one thing wouldn't change:

Hallelujah was still there, he was not alone.

**.end.**


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